Simple Shifts Forward Podcast
Holidays Emotions Series #2: Hidden Holiday Expectations That Drain Us
If you’re craving a more grounded, intentional, honest holiday season, this episode will help you start creating it.
Full Transcript
This is Part 2 of our little holiday emotions series, where we’re just… unpacking the stuff nobody else talks about but almost everyone feels.
Last time, we chatted about why the holidays can stir emotions earlier than usual — and how all those “cheerful” displays can knock over emotional boxes we didn’t realize we were storing.
Today – We’re going deeper.
Because a lot of what drains us this time of year isn’t the holidays themselves… it’s the hidden expectations we’ve been carrying around for years.
PART 1 — Where These Expectations Even Come From
Here’s a question for you:
When did you decide what the holidays are supposed to look like? That question may catch you by surprise so I will ask it again.
When did you decide what the holidays are supposed to look like? How old were you? Who influenced those holiday memories? Most of us don’t even remember — and that may be because it wasn’t something we Decided….
We inherited ideas from childhood…
absorbed them from commercials…
picked them up from friends, siblings, coworkers, social media…
And suddenly, without even realizing it, we’re carrying around a whole checklist of holiday “shoulds”:
We should host.
We should be joyful.
We should decorate like we’re auditioning for the Hallmark channel.
We should buy thoughtful gifts.
We should make handmade gifts.
We should show up to everything.
We should feel grateful every second of everyday from now until the end of the year.
But here’s the kicker:
Most of these expectations aren’t ours. They’re a patchwork quilt of what we grew up with, what we wish we had, what we’ve been told is “normal,” and what social media makes look easy. And every year, we quietly try to live up to it. AND now, it seems that the starting timer has begun earlier than last year.
PART 2 — The Emotional Toll of “Trying to Create the Magic”
For a lot of people — especially those of us who tend to be the doers, planners, managers, memory-makers — this time of year comes with an invisible job title: Chief Holiday Magic Officer.
And it’s exhausting.
You might not feel sad during the holidays… but you may feel drained, scattered, irritated, stretched thin, or quietly overwhelmed.
Why?
Because you’re trying to recreate something that may never have been real in the first place. Or maybe you’re trying to avoid recreating something that you did live through — something painful, stressful, or disappointing — and you’re determined to “do it differently for the people you love.
It’s wild how many people I talk to who say, “I’m trying to break the cycle. I’m trying to give my family something better than I had.” And yet — their parents were likely trying to do the exact same thing.
We’re all just doing the best we can with the awareness we have. But the pressure to “make it magical” can take a real emotional toll.
PART 3 — The Expectation Gap
There’s something psychologists talk about called the Expectation Gap. It’s the emotional space between: How something really is… and How we think it should be.
That gap is where disappointment, resentment, shame, and comparison may live. And the holidays season…
well that widens that gap as much as possible.
. If you’re carrying emotional fatigue from the whole year… The season magnifies it.
. If you’re doing most of the invisible holiday labor… (Meal planning, gifts, scheduling, hosting, managing everyone’s feelings.) The season magnifies it.
. OR If you’re simply tired — mentally, emotionally, physically… The season will magnify it.
A Metaphor: The Emotional Backpack
Let me give you a metaphor to bring this to life. Imagine that every expectation — big or small — is a little stone dropped into your backpack.
One stone for the perfect tree.
One stone for hosting flawlessly.
One stone for not gaining weight.
One stone for the right outfits.
One stone for decorating like Pinterest.
One stone for family harmony.
One stone for great gifts.
One stone for being everywhere, doing everything.
On day one?
The backpack feels fine.
A little heavy… but manageable.
But December is long.
And by the time the season actually arrives, you’re carrying
“What can I let be simpler?”
“What expectations no longer fit?”
Maybe your version is slow and quiet this year.
Maybe it’s simple.
Maybe it’s less busy, or less decorated, or less full.
Maybe it’s different — because you’re different.
And that is allowed.
You’re allowed to create a holiday season that supports your nervous system… not one that drains it.
In closing:
Thank you for being here with me today.
In our next episode — the final part of this series — we’re going to talk about something incredibly practical: Ten ways to protect your peace this holiday season…and how to set yourself up emotionally before the season really kicks in.
It’s going to be good.
And grounding.
And doable.
Talk soon, friend.
If this episode gave you a little “ohhh, that makes sense” moment, stay tuned — the Check out all of the Holiday Emotions Series go even deeper. Click the links below
Holiday Emotions 1: – The Holiday Can Feel Weird Sometimes
Holiday Emotions 3 – Ten Ways to Protect Your Peace During the Holiday Season
💭 Reflection Prompt:
Ask yourself “What do I need this year?”
Your Next Steps
